The holidays can be hard for children in foster care. How volunteers, court advocates and community members can help in ways that respect children’s dignity and privacy.
For most children, the holidays bring familiar traditions: the same ornaments, the same recipes, the same faces around the table. For children in foster care, the season can be very different. Some are spending their first holiday in a new home. Some are separated from siblings or parents. Some have moved several times and do not know where they will be next year. The holidays can stir up sadness, confusion and loss along with excitement.
Many people in the justice system, including caseworkers, court-appointed special advocates, guardians ad litem, judges and attorneys, see these children’s situations up close. Community members often want to help too. This article describes thoughtful ways to support children in foster care at the holidays, with an emphasis on dignity, privacy and the child’s own needs. Programs vary by state and agency, so check local guidelines.
Understanding the holidays from a child’s perspective
Children in care may feel:
- Loyalty conflicts between foster families and birth families
- Grief for people and places they miss
- Uncertainty about the future
- Pressure to be grateful or happy
- Discomfort with unfamiliar traditions
Thoughtful giving recognizes these feelings and tries to make children feel seen as individuals, not as recipients of charity.
Work through established programs
Because of privacy rules, community members usually cannot contact children in foster care directly. Instead, help through established channels:
- Local child welfare agencies, which often run holiday wish programs
- Court-appointed special advocate (CASA) and guardian ad litem programs
- Foster parent associations
- Nonprofits serving foster youth
- Faith and community organizations with established partnerships
These organizations know what children need and how to deliver help appropriately.
Wish lists and personal gifts
Many programs collect wish lists from children, sometimes with first names only or age and interests. Fulfilling a specific wish tells a child that someone listened. When shopping:
- Follow the wish list closely
- Choose new items
- Include gift receipts if allowed
- Follow guidelines on wrapping and labeling
- Respect spending guidelines, which help keep things fair
Gifts for teenagers
Teens in foster care are often overlooked because toy drives focus on younger children. Teens may appreciate gift cards, clothing, headphones, toiletries, books, art supplies or items for independent living. Older youth preparing to age out of care often need practical items for their first apartment.
Items that travel well
Children in care may move. Gifts that are portable and personal can come with them: a quality backpack or duffel bag (many children have moved with belongings in trash bags), a blanket, a journal, a photo album or a stuffed animal.
Supporting foster families
Foster families often stretch their budgets at the holidays. Gift cards for groceries, holiday meals, activity passes or babysitting help can make a difference. Foster parent associations can direct support.
Helping children keep connections
Where appropriate and approved by caseworkers and the court, helping children maintain connections with siblings and family members can be one of the most meaningful holiday gifts. Agencies sometimes arrange sibling visits or help children send cards and gifts to family members.
Respecting privacy
Children in foster care have a right to privacy. Avoid posting photos or details about specific children on social media. Do not ask about their histories. Programs that publicize children’s stories should do so only with appropriate consent and protections.
Beyond the holidays
Children’s needs continue year-round. Consider ongoing involvement: becoming a CASA volunteer, mentoring, supporting foster families, donating to programs for youth aging out of care, or becoming a foster parent. CASA volunteers, for example, are trained community members who advocate for children’s best interests in court and often become steady adults in a child’s life.
For professionals in the system
Caseworkers, advocates, attorneys and judges can help by:
- Connecting children to holiday programs
- Considering holiday visitation schedules early
- Asking children what would make the holidays better
- Being sensitive to the emotional weight of the season
Ideas that make a difference
- A personalized ornament with the child’s name
- A gift that matches a specific interest
- A holiday card from a volunteer, through the program
- Supplies for a child to make gifts for others
- Experiences such as tickets or classes
Common questions
Can I adopt a specific child for the holidays?
Many programs offer ways to fulfill a specific child’s wish list through the agency, without direct contact.
What if I want to give more than the guideline?
Guidelines help ensure fairness among children. Consider donating extra to the program.
Can I give cash?
Programs usually prefer gifts, gift cards or donations to the program itself.
A note on cultural traditions
Children in foster care come from many cultural and religious backgrounds, and not all celebrate the same holidays or in the same ways. Thoughtful programs ask about a child’s traditions and try to honor them, whether that means a particular food, a different holiday, a familiar song or simply not assuming that every child celebrates Christmas. Foster families who learn about and include a child’s own traditions help that child feel respected and connected to their identity.
Supporting youth aging out of care
Young people who leave foster care as young adults often face the holidays without a family home to return to. Some programs host holiday meals and gatherings for these young adults, and others provide practical support such as household items, groceries, transportation help or gift cards. Mentoring relationships formed through these programs can provide a sense of belonging that lasts beyond the season.
For foster parents
Foster parents can help children through the holidays by:
- Asking what traditions the child remembers and wants to keep
- Including the child in decorating and planning
- Making space for feelings about family members they miss
- Working with caseworkers on visits or calls with birth family where appropriate
- Keeping expectations simple and routines steady
- Giving gifts that are truly the child’s own to keep and take with them
Children may react to the holidays in unexpected ways, including withdrawal or challenging behavior. Patience and understanding help, and caseworkers and support groups can offer guidance.
Becoming a CASA volunteer
For community members who want to make a lasting difference, volunteering as a court-appointed special advocate is one option. CASA volunteers complete training, are appointed by judges and get to know a child’s situation so they can make recommendations about the child’s best interests. Many programs are looking for volunteers, and the commitment often spans the life of a case. Local programs can explain requirements and training schedules.
Giving through the justice community
Courthouses, prosecutor’s offices, public defender offices and law firms sometimes organize giving drives for children involved in the child welfare system. Legal professionals who see these children’s circumstances firsthand can be powerful advocates for these programs, encouraging colleagues to participate and helping ensure gifts reach the children who need them.
Small gestures
Not every contribution needs to be a gift. A volunteer who helps at a holiday party, a professional who donates time to tutor, or a neighbor who offers a foster family a home-cooked meal all contribute to a child’s sense that their community cares about them.
What children remember
Adults who spent time in foster care sometimes describe the holiday gestures they remember most. Often it is not the most expensive gift, but the one that showed someone knew them: a book by a favorite author, a jersey from the right team, a stocking with their name already sewn on when they arrived. It may be the foster parent who made a dish from their birth family’s tradition, or the advocate who remembered their birthday. Those memories are a reminder that personal attention is the heart of good giving.
Getting started
- Contact your local child welfare agency, CASA program or foster parent association in early fall
- Ask what programs exist and what needs are greatest
- Follow their guidelines on gifts, deadlines and delivery
- Consider recruiting friends, coworkers or a community group to help
- Ask about year-round opportunities once the holidays pass
Starting early helps programs plan and ensures no child is left out.
Supporting caseworkers
Child welfare caseworkers often work long hours during the holidays, coordinating visits, responding to placements and helping children through a difficult season. Community groups sometimes recognize this work with meals, small gifts or notes of appreciation delivered to agency offices. Supporting the people who support children is another way to strengthen the system that cares for them.
Even a simple card signed by a community group, delivered with a tray of cookies, tells caseworkers that their difficult work is noticed and valued by the community they serve.
Those small acts of appreciation help sustain the people who stand beside children in care all year long.
A letter written just for them
For a child who has moved homes this year, something with their own name on it, mentioning their own interests and accomplishments, can feel especially meaningful. Foster parents, CASA volunteers and program organizers can create free personalized letters from Santa at FreePersonalizedLettersFromSanta.com, written from the details they share. A letter that says Santa knows where they are this year, and that he is proud of them, can be a small but powerful gift.
General information for families. If a child or parent is struggling, a pediatrician, school counselor or mental health professional can help.