Tablets, phones, consoles and smart toys are popular gifts. Practical steps to set up parental controls, privacy settings and family rules before the wrapping comes off.
Each holiday season, millions of children unwrap tablets, phones, gaming consoles, smartwatches and connected toys. Those gifts open doors to learning, creativity and connection with friends and family. They also open doors to risks: inappropriate content, contact with strangers, privacy problems, scams and overuse.
People who work in investigations and the justice system see the worst outcomes of online risks, and many of them are careful about how their own kids use devices. You do not need to work in the field to take sensible precautions. This article offers practical steps parents can take before and after giving a device. It is general information; specific settings vary by device and change with updates, so check manufacturer guidance.
Before you wrap it
Setting up a device before it is opened makes the experience smoother and safer:
- Update the software to get the latest security fixes.
- Create a child account linked to a parent account, where the platform offers one.
- Turn on parental controls for content, purchases and screen time.
- Review privacy settings, such as location sharing, camera and microphone access.
- Install the apps you have approved.
- Set a strong passcode for parental controls that the child does not know.
Content controls
Most platforms offer age-based content filters for apps, games, videos, music and web browsing. Set filters appropriate to your child’s age and maturity, and review them as children grow. Remember that filters are helpful but not perfect.
Purchase controls
Require parent approval for purchases and in-app purchases. Many families have been surprised by large bills from games. Consider gift cards with fixed amounts for older children who want some independence.
Communication controls
Decide who your child can communicate with. Many platforms allow parents to limit contacts to approved people, restrict chat in games or disable messaging. Online games and social apps can allow contact with strangers, so check settings carefully.
Privacy settings
- Turn off location sharing except with family
- Limit app permissions for camera, microphone and contacts
- Set profiles to private
- Avoid using full names or identifiable photos in usernames and profiles
- Review privacy policies for smart toys that record audio or video
Screen time
Built-in tools allow parents to set daily limits, downtime schedules and app-specific limits. Health organizations offer general guidance on screen time by age, and many families find that clear rules from the start are easier than trying to add limits later.
Family agreements
A simple written family agreement helps children understand expectations. It might include:
- Where and when devices can be used
- Devices out of bedrooms at night
- Asking before downloading apps
- Never sharing personal information
- Telling a parent about anything upsetting or uncomfortable
- Consequences for breaking rules
Talk about risks
Technology settings help, but conversation matters most. Age-appropriate conversations might cover:
- Not everyone online is who they say they are
- Never meeting online contacts in person without a parent
- Never sharing photos, passwords or personal information
- Recognizing scams and too-good-to-be-true offers
- Being kind online and recognizing cyberbullying
- Telling a trusted adult if anything feels wrong, without fear of losing the device
That last point is important. Children are more likely to report problems if they do not fear punishment for being honest.
Smart toys and speakers
Connected toys and smart speakers may record audio or connect to the internet. Research products before buying, change default passwords, update software and review privacy settings.
Gaming consoles
Consoles typically offer family settings for content, purchases, communication and play time. Online multiplayer games may include voice chat with strangers. Review game ratings and settings.
Phones for older children
A first phone is a big step. Consider starting with limited features, adding privileges as children show responsibility. Discuss social media age requirements and family rules.
Know what to do if something goes wrong
If a child encounters exploitation, threats or contact from an adult seeking inappropriate interaction, save evidence (screenshots, usernames) without forwarding inappropriate images, report to the platform and contact local law enforcement. In the United States, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children operates the CyberTipline for reporting online exploitation of children.
Common questions
At what age should a child get a device?
There is no single right answer. Consider maturity, need and your ability to supervise.
Should I monitor my child’s messages?
Approaches vary by age and family values. Transparency about monitoring helps preserve trust.
Are parental controls enough?
They help, but ongoing conversation and supervision are essential.
A setup checklist by device type
Tablets: create a child profile, turn on content and purchase restrictions, set screen time limits, disable or limit the web browser for young children, review app permissions and set up a passcode only parents know.
Phones: do all of the above, plus decide on contact restrictions, location sharing within the family, camera and photo sharing rules, and whether to delay social media apps.
Gaming consoles: set up family accounts, restrict voice and text chat with strangers, require approval for purchases, review game ratings and set play time limits.
Smartwatches for kids: limit contacts to approved family members, review location features and data sharing and check how the device connects to the internet.
Smart toys and speakers: change default passwords, update software, review what is recorded and stored and disable features you do not need.
The first week
The first days with a new device set patterns that can last. Spend time with your child exploring the device together. Show them how to use it safely, play a game together and talk about the family agreement in a relaxed way. Check in daily at first: what did they enjoy, did anything confuse or worry them, did anyone they do not know contact them? Children who see that parents are interested, not just watchful, are more likely to keep talking.
Modeling good habits
Children learn as much from what adults do as from what they say. Parents who put their own phones away at meals, avoid scrolling during conversations and charge devices outside the bedroom send a strong message. Families sometimes adopt rules that apply to everyone, such as no devices at the dinner table or a nightly charging station in the kitchen.
Recognizing warning signs
Signs that something may be wrong online can include sudden secrecy about a device, distress after using it, new contacts or gifts from unknown people, withdrawal from family and friends or reluctance to go to school. If you notice these signs, talk calmly with your child, review the device together and seek help if needed. Investigators who work these cases often emphasize that children who feel safe telling a parent are much better protected than those who fear getting in trouble.
Updating controls as children grow
Settings that fit a seven-year-old will not fit a twelve-year-old. Review controls at least once or twice a year, perhaps on birthdays or at the start of the school year. Gradually extending freedom as children show responsibility helps them build their own judgment, which is the long-term goal. Talk with them about why each change is being made.
Grandparents and other givers
Devices are often given by grandparents or other relatives. A friendly conversation beforehand can help ensure the device is set up the way parents prefer, or that the parents can set it up before the child receives it. Sharing your family’s rules with relatives who care for your children helps keep expectations consistent across households.
Questions to ask before buying
- Does the device or platform offer strong parental controls?
- What data does it collect, and how is it used?
- Can contact with strangers be restricted?
- Does it include a camera or microphone, and can they be controlled?
- Is it appropriate for my child’s age and maturity?
- Will I have time to set it up properly before giving it?
Answering these questions in advance helps families choose devices that fit their values and makes setup easier.
Balancing safety and trust
Parental controls are tools, not a substitute for a relationship. The aim is to give children age-appropriate freedom while guiding them toward good judgment. Explaining the reasons behind rules, inviting children’s input on the family agreement and adjusting limits as they grow help children see safety measures as care rather than punishment. Over time, the goal is for children to make safe choices on their own, even when no settings are watching.
Many families find that a calm, ongoing conversation does more to protect children than any single setting. Asking a simple question at dinner, such as what was the best and worst thing you saw online today, keeps the conversation natural.
Some gifts need no settings
Not every holiday surprise needs a passcode or privacy review. A letter from Santa, addressed to your child by name and mentioning the things they did this year, is a screen-free gift that brings simple joy. At FreePersonalizedLettersFromSanta.com, parents can create a free personalized letter in a couple of minutes, written from the details they share. Some families even use Santa’s letter to gently mention new device rules, because Santa is always in favor of staying safe online.
General information for families. If a child or parent is struggling, a pediatrician, school counselor or mental health professional can help.